Three words, if you’ve been scammed: report, report, report.
Yes, it’s embarrassing to reveal that you fell victim to a crime, that you “should have known better.” Scammers count on your embarrassment and shame. And while that doesn’t mean you need to tell everyone about it, notifying the authorities is definitely in your best interest.
Chances are that your scam has involved money going across state lines, probably internationally. Either way, go to the FBI (FBI.gov). There’s a whole section dedicated to romance scams, https://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/romance-scams, and you may recognize your story there. Finally, there’s the Internet Crime Complaint Center (ic3.gov), where you’ll file your complaint online. Print a copy or save it as a PDF when you’re done. The complaint might not get an immediate response, but it will join other complaints, and agents are looking for similarities and patterns.
If the scam involved an attorney, accountant or other professional, look up their license and complain to the regulating body. Google their name, and if they’re real, you should see where they practice, which is where they’re licensed. For example, if you sent money to a lawyer in Texas as part of a scam, you’d contact the Texas Bar Association. You’ll file the complaint with as much documentation as you have (another reason why it’s good to have filed an IC3 complaint), and they should respond to you, perhaps for more information. It can be a long process, but well worth it.
In addition, you may find relief by filing complaints with the appropriate states’ Attorneys General and Commerce Commissions. You can find these on specific state’s websites.
When I was fighting back, I looked especially hard at “Michael’s” attorney. I’ll share more later, but he had an office in New Jersey and was licensed only in New York. So I complained (successfully) to the New York Attorney Disciplinary Committee and the New York and New Jersey Attorneys General and Internet Commerce Commissions. Although only the Attorney Disciplinary Committee was able to discipline the attorney, I got responses (and validation) from the other agencies. It definitely helped that I filed two IC3 reports (one against “Michael” and the other against his attorney) and had lots of documentation.
Reach out to the bank(s) involved to let them know about it. If you just sent the money, you may be able to get it back, and even if it’s been a few months or longer, it’s still good to inform them of fraudulent activities. They will likely have confidentiality rules in place to keep from sharing information personally, but your bank can talk to the scammer’s bank. Often accounts get frozen when there’s even a hint of fraudulent activity, and you’ll want to make sure to be one of the complainants.
As emotionally hard as it is to do this, it’s also very empowering. This is a traumatic experience, an assault on your well-being. We gain power by using our voice. So while you’re reporting the crime, get into therapy. Personally, and I say this as both a therapist and someone who has been in therapy, I would suggest going to a therapist who specializes in traumatic experiences, perhaps someone who does EMDR. The road to healing may be a long one, and it’s much better than pretending it never happened. This is too great a burden to keep to yourself.
For more information, or if you have questions, please send an email to catfish.lessions.life@gmail.com.